Thank you. Life is a series of lessons.

I have had a lot of classes ....

Haasman

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'03 E320 Wagon-Sold
'95 E320 Wagon-Went to Ex
'93 190E 2.6-Wrecked
'91 300E-Went to Ex
'65 911 Coupe (#302580)

Ditto that!... and there's nothing wrong about being a little sensitive! Great advise, Haasman, thank you.

Got a card from Barbara today thanking me for the dinner last Thursday evening (you know... the infamous third date!).

No entire quotes here (feel a little funny about that), but one line did read, "I've been enjoying getting to know you."

Made my day!

'Course there's a little more to the story, but I'll post that later tonight after a workout and dinner!

What happened with the update?

Oh yea - throughout my life one of the least attractive gals I ever dated ended up being the richest. She now owns about 8,000 acres of land. I should have stuck with her because nowadays my eyesite ain't what it used to be and we got along fine.

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Jim

Glad I found this thread

Just one little piece of advice: Whatever you do (make the move, not make the move, etc.) is to communicate frequently with her about the relationship. No games, no hidden agenda.

Honesty is the best policy. Quit guessing where her head is and don't rely on friends/aquaintances for third hand information or gossip. Be up front, honest and sincere and talk to her yourself. Express your feelings and she will either accept that (and what you want out of the relationship) or she won't.

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Or, just come down to Atlanta and I'll introduce you to some sexually aggressive 28-35 year-olds!

D'oh!! I've been to Atlanta a few times. That is one FUN town!

Oh yeah, the update. Sorry, I got busy.

One of my housemates, Mike, and Barbara are close friends and have been friends for several years.

A couple days ago he called me while on business in Florida. Didn't know quite why he called, because what we initially talked about wasn't really important enough to warrent his calling me.

Eventually, he asked how Barbara and I were doing. Thing is, even before our first date, I told Mike that I value the close friendship that he and Barbara have and becasue of that I wouldn't talk to him about her so that 1. he would never be caught in the middle of anything and 2. she would know without a doubt that he could still be her confidant.

But he intiated the call and the question, so I told him that, although we've had three great dates and have gotten along really well, we haven't kissed yet so I was a bit confused.

He gave me a little insight into what may be going on in her head.

In her last relationship, things got a physical sooner than she would have liked and before a real basis for the relationship could be set. She talked to "Guy X" about it, but his behavior didn't change. So the relationship ended.

So, basically, she really wants a relationship to begin with a good solid foundation that's not dependant on physical things.

I couldn't have been happier to hear that, because that's exactly what I'm looking for too!

So I think we're fine, we're just going to build a good foundation first. I'm sure a kiss won't be too far off in the future, but I can wait until the time is right and I feel that she's into it. She's a classy gal. I don't feel too focused on it anymore since I really do feel that there's a mutual attraction for each other. Things will happen in their own time.

PS Two things since the date make me feel pretty good about the situation: 1. she sent me another thank you card in the mail in which she mentioned that she's enjoying getting to know me, and 2. a co-worker of mine made the point that she must consider me long-term relationship material if she's making the effort to build a solid foundation for whatever happens.

Like I said, she's got A LOT of class. A sure catch!!

I am not sure as to the age or experience of either of you, BUT.....I have had enough dates to know when "it's a friendly thing". The cheek thing, uh, I dunno about that one. After three weeks I think I would have had a sense as to what the "weather" is like over there and I can understand the concern. I myself would have been VERY concerned. The cards are a good thing. She at least cares enough to send a card saying thanks. VERY classy.
I myself have NEVER waited that long for a kiss- I would have called her hand on it before the three week thing. I also would have asked her myself "what's wrong?" To me (and this is ME here) it shows lack of interest. (Dons the Nomex suit...) I have noticed that women have a pretty keen sense of who they like and don't like and THREE weeks is too darn long. (TO ME) I get the sense that it's too cool for it to get hot if you know what I mean.
I can understand the wanting to be cautious thing on her side. Love can hurt like nothing else, and I have been there. My current girlfriend was real aloof for a while even though it took a good bit of work on my part to get the fire started. The physical thing was never an issue for us. It was the emotional thing. She was not too long out of a divorce, got REALLY burned by the situation and after a few talks, I had a better understanding of what she was going through. I eased off the throttle and played it cool. She obviously came around and six years later we are still together.
Communication is an absolute MUST in a relationship. I think you were saying that you were gonna "take her on a walk and try to seal the deal" OK, I think I'd start asking a few questions during the "walk" Try to see what she sees the relationship doing, where it's headed, and if there is any future in you two. PLEASE be honest with her about where you are with it too, after all, your feelings matter too. Ask lots of questions and make sure you find out why you have been getting "the cheek". There's NOTHING wrong with taking it slow, trust me. But there needs to be communication that there is interest there and that she' REALLY wants you. Anything less and it might just be a good friend- which really isn't that bad!!
OK, I'm done on my thesis now, jeez, I get wordy......

Travmonster,

Thanks, you can't get too wordy on some subjects either! Plus, besides seeking genuine advise, as a student of communication I'm always interested in what others think on subjects like this. BTW, I'm 38, she's 36.

I'll see how it goes during the party. I wouldn't want to pull her away from having a good time with a bunch of friends to meet my needs to have a talk with her. The party may not be the proper venue for something like that. But, as chances may find it, I would think that I will be walking her to her car when she leaves.... We'll see.

As far as the long time period for that "first kiss", I think both of us have an appreciation for the "traditional" way of doing things. I'm sure she's interested, as am I. But, like you said, communication is a MUST. She and I can dance around the subject forever, but at some point VERBAL communication is going to have to happen. It's certainly not a problem at this point though.

Thanks for the words of advice!!

Soon you are going to be coming to this crossroads, my friend.




Ken300D

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1982 300D at 351K miles
1984 300SD at 217K miles
1987 300D at 370K miles

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

THAT was great......and a very timely post indeed. It's good to see people still being old fashioned, it's such a rarity these days. Now that I think about it, I would try to get more background info on your friend and what she's like maybe before you try the ol' smooch. Schedule a time where you two can just share some thoughts with each other without the usual distractions of being in public. Maybe a nice quiet dinner somewhere at a favorite restaurant you're BOTH comfortable with. (No suprise cuisine on this one, you never know what might happen) Set a very comfortable tone and try to get to know this person, what her values are like, how her family relationships are, her pet peeves, etc. It's amazing what you can gather in the right setting when both parties are comfortable. I am sure if she's interested she'll be more than happy to talk about that stuff. I always throw in some crazy stuff like "What was the craziest place you have ever been to on a date?" "What was the worst date you ever had?" (THAT one I have gotten some interesting answers on) Make sure you throw in your thoughts on the subject as well. Once the conversation starts to flow, you will get more of an idea of what's goin on inside her head. She will probably know where you stand and will be comfortable enough with you to let you know where she is with it.
I have this thing with ladies that like to take it slow. I let them decide when they want to make the move. I have even gone as far as to play it cool and tell them straight up "you seem to have some reservations and I understand. Whenever you're rready, you can let me know. Just make sure it's this year...lol..)
Anyhoo, it sounds like your friend seems like a very classy lady and I can appreciate all that's been said. Something tells me that once you try to get to know her on a more personal level, you will get more of the answers you need to make a decision. I'm just so suprised that someone her age is that conservative, or seems that way. It's SOOOOO rare. Most of the thirty-somethings I meet are just like "WOO-HOO let's go, baby!!" If you know what I mean. This should prove to be an interesting thread.....

Forgive me for saying this, but Kisses do NOT seal the deal. Slow is OK, a snails pace is excrushiating (forgive the spelling), possibley for the both of you.

Consider what she is expecting, than be attentive, but not to overly eager to please. You will never go wrong with Women in gerneral if you just stick with that...

Roas,

Anyone who drives one of my all-time favorite cars can't be wrong!!

You're right. Fact is, I really want that kiss to help me feel like she's interested. One of those stupid "male" things, I guess. What I should keep reminding myself is of all things she's done that do tell me she's interested.... like a thank you card sent after each date.... like telling me in at least two cards how much she is enjoying gettng to know me, etc.

There are so many ways of communicating between people that I shouldn't limit myself to only one-- a kiss!

Thanks for the post.

I've got an idea.

When she is NOT expecting it, tell her how much you want to Kiss her. Don't just throw it out there though, be clever or funny when you slip it into the conversation.

Women love honesty, and hey, you really want to Kiss her right!

BTW, I would love the think the 500E had something to do with actually improving me, but the jury is still out on that one...

I've got an idea.

When she is NOT expecting it, tell her how much you want to Kiss her. Don't just throw it out there though, be clever or funny when you slip it into the conversation.

Women love honesty, and hey, you really want to Kiss her right!

HAHAHAHAHA!!

That brings up the old debate of whether or not nice cars get women. But that's another thread.

I just got an email from Barbara. She and her family are heading out of town early tomorrow morning to Duck, NC. She said she knew herself and didn't think she'd be able to leave the party early enough, so she's backing out of the invite.

Now I'll spend a few days trying NOT to over analyze that!!

I just sent a reply to her telling her that I understand, that we'll miss her company, and to have a great time in Duck.

Who knows........................