Worst Jokes Ever....

[Mistress]

After hearing RLEO's remark about de plane de plane, I was reminded of a really bad joke so let's hear your worst jokes ever....

1. Someone asks Tatu of Fantasy Island what kind of M&M's he likes and his response :"De Plane, De Plane."

[fooss0le]

Have you heard about the excellent farmer?

He was outstanding in his field.

[Wodnek]

Why did the condom cross the road?


Because it was pissed off.

[suginami]

What did the bee say to the flower?

Hey bud, when do you open up?

[connerm]

Q: Why are wedding dresses white?
A: Because all kitchen appliances come in white.

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "why the long face."

Skeleton walks into a bar. Says to the bartender, "gimme a beer and a mop."

[Chris Bell]

Two canibals are eating a clown
One turns to the other and says, does this taste funny to you.

[mgburg]

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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia
Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday". Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, and his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's ok he knows the bank manager.

Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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Did you hear about the one-armed fisherman? (holding out one hand) He caught a fish this big...Weighting it was easy. It had its own scales...The fish also had a friend...his name was Gil.

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If the skirts get any shorter,
And the girlies get more brave,
They'll have two more cheeks to powder,
And another place to shave!

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During his final days on Earth, Jeff Miles had a terrible sore throat. In fact, it was the infection that wound up killing him.

Upon his arrival in Heaven, he was surprised to find that everyone was congregating in alphabetical order and that he was in the midst of thousands and thousands of others from the Miles family throughout history.

Sadly, he was also surprised to find out that if one had died of an infectious disease, it came along with him to Heaven. Sure enough, he began giving this burning, awful sore throat to all the other Mileses around him. Hundreds upon hundreds of sore throats. A thousand sore throats.

It got so bad that they all decided to go to Heaven's infirmary, to see if there was anything that could be done.

God asked them all to lie down on a gurney. And what a stretcher this was! It was massive, big enough to hold all 1,000 sick Mileses.

Jeff finally got up the courage to ask: "God, why would you have all thousand of us on one stretcher, and why would you allow an infectious sore throat into Heaven? Is there some lesson we are to be learning here?'

God looked at him and nodded wisely. "Yes,' he said. "A gurney of a thousand Mileses begins with a single strep.' "

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A mechanic who worked out of his home had a Basset Hound named Mace.

Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic decided to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became terribly thick and overgrown.

One day, as the mechanic was walking across his yard to work on a car, he dropped his wrench along the way, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

That night Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the back yard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened he looked up to the heavens and proclaimed . . .

"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"

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[Medmech]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartenders asks, Why the long face?

[Medmech]

A woman asked her husband to go to the video store and get A Scent of a Woman, he came back with A Fish Called Wanda.

[Mistress]

What's green and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermits finger...

[Texholdem]

Originally Posted by mgburg

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A mechanic who worked out of his home had a Basset Hound named Mace.

Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic decided to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became terribly thick and overgrown.

One day, as the mechanic was walking across his yard to work on a car, he dropped his wrench along the way, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

That night Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the back yard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened he looked up to the heavens and proclaimed . . .

"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"

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I like that one

[Larry Delor]

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

[ASaltyDog]

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He couldn't get his pecker out of the chicken

[Designo_E320]

Originally Posted by Mistress

What's green and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermits finger...

YOU ARE BAD!

[Designo_E320]

I'm going to tell you a joke. It's so funny that when you hear you'll laugh so hard that your tits will fall off. Oh I see you've already heard the joke.